Crappy Tech Support is Universal

Speaking of idiotic tech support, a co-worker of mine, Joe*, offered up to me his chat transcript for something he was working on today.

Support Guy: Hello Joe.
Support Guy: Welcome to (large printer company tech support).
Support Guy: May I have your Telephone number starting with the Area Code first please, as we need to update the information in our records.
Joe : xxx-xxx-xxxx
Support Guy: Thank you for the telephone number.
Support Guy: My name is Support Guy, how may I assist you today?
Joe : I'm helping a friend with his (printer).
Joe : He was able to install it and use it OK so far.
Support Guy: Could you please provide me with a detailed description of the issue which would help me assist you better?
Joe : However, each time the computer reboots (he restarts every day for patches, etc.) the printer prints a page. We can't figure out why.
Joe : The text seems like ASCII characters, and it prints during the computer's POST boot.
Support Guy: Are you able to print fine except this test page?
Joe : yep.
Support Guy: Okay let us troubleshoot the issue.
Support Guy: I'll give you some steps.
Support Guy: Click Start------>Run
Type services.msc.
Click OK
A Window will pop up with so many services listed.
Right-click on Print SPOOLER------>Restart.
Joe : done.
Support Guy: Now try printing any document.
Joe : Printed fine.
Support Guy: Good!
Support Guy: Now you have to test once the computer is rebooted , right?
Joe : Well, we have to test AS the computer reboots. The prints are produced during the logo splash screen during POST.
Support Guy: I have a solution for it.
Support Guy: I'll share a web page with you.
Joe : Sweet.
Support Guy: It will appear as popup on your Computer screen, behind your CHAT window.
Support Guy: Did you receive the web page?
Joe : Does it mention cleaning the cartridge contacts?
Support Guy: Yes Exactly1
Support Guy: Please book mark it.
Joe : So dirty cartridges can make the printer actually print when we're not trying to print anything?
Support Guy: Yes Joe.
Support Guy: Please perform the steps provided in the shared web page.
Support Guy: If the issue still persists please get back to us, we would be glad to assist you further.
Joe : OK. Thanks a bunch!
Support Guy: I appreciate your efforts.
Support Guy: You're welcome.
Support Guy: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Joe : That will be all for now. Have a good day.

Now, since that didn't actually fix the issue he had to initiate a new chat. The chat below cuts in after repeating the same stuff as about 6 lines of the previous chat:

Different Support Guy: Will it print fine after that?
Joe : Yep. After Windows comes up and we log in, we can print normally.
Different Support Guy: Okay.
Different Support Guy: Please perform these steps.
Different Support Guy: Please advise me what version of the Windows operating system (i.e 98, ME, XP, Vista) you are using?
Joe : XP
Different Support Guy: Thanks for the information.
Different Support Guy: Click Start------>RUN.
Joe : OK
Different Support Guy: Type as MSCONFIG and click on Ok button.
Different Support Guy: Is it opened configuration window?
Joe : yes
Different Support Guy: Click on Startup tab.
Joe : ok
Different Support Guy: Uncheck all entries in that window and click on Apply and Ok buttons.
Joe : ok
Joe : what next?
Different Support Guy: Now, please close that window.
Joe : ok
Different Support Guy: Restart your computer and check whether the issue will appear or not.
Different Support Guy: However, if the problem persists, you may get back to us. We assure you of our support till we get the problem resolved.
Different Support Guy: We are here to assist you 24/7.
Joe : This issue will reappear. I am not going to restart the computer at this point.
Different Support Guy: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Joe : This problem occurs before Windows loads. How can startup items cause a POST-time print job?
Joe : The first tech had me clean the print cartridges. Please give me a better solution.
Joe : I work in IT, please help me resolve this issue. I do not want to delay this any further.
Different Support Guy: Joe, is it starting printing after rebooting the computer?
Different Support Guy: Or when you shut down the computer?
Joe : On startup only. Right when the splash screen appears.
Different Support Guy: Is the printer directly connected to the computer with USB cable?
Joe : Yes, USB.
Different Support Guy: Please perform these steps.
Different Support Guy: Please click Start------>Control Panel------>Printers and Other Hardware------> Printers and Faxes.
Joe : OK.
Different Support Guy: Now, right click the printer icon and select properties.
Different Support Guy: Click on Advanced tab.
Different Support Guy: Select " Print directly to printer" and click on Apply and Ok buttons.
Different Support Guy: Joe, are you with me?
Joe : This computer is not responding any longer.
Joe : I'll have to try and restart it.
Different Support Guy: Okay.
Joe : Can you give me any other advice to try after changing the "Print directly to printer" option?
Different Support Guy: Please restart your computer and get back to us if the issue still there.
Different Support Guy: Joe, these two options should resolve the issue.
Joe : OK. Thank you for your help.
Different Support Guy: Its my pleasure assisting you.
Different Support Guy: Thank you for contacting (here follows three lines of advertisements)

Now... that didn't fix the issue either. Guess what did?

Joe updated the Bios.


*All names have been changed... of course.